READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
