so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
