how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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