also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
