Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
