dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
