she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it penis luge time yet?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
