I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
