Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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