Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
