Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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