Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
