My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you made out with another girl for some wings
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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