maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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