i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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