It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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