sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
