do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
