I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
