quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
