So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
