I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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