Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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