after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
