That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
