My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
