I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
