She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cannot find my penis.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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