You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I puked a lego.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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