She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
