so explain again why im purple
no
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
