I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
