You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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