How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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