Just cropdusted the office
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
