Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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