This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
