I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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