I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
