Umm I'm too high to move.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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