I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize