i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
