I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize