you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
