I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
