Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
