someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My life is pants optional.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
