She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
