Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
