I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
