3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
