We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
