We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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