Where did you get a picture of my penis
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Randomize
