She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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