Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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