Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize