you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize