Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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