if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cut my penus on the lid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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