Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
