the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
