Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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