I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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