i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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