please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
